MV- God Helps the Outcast 神愛我

一開始被電影受難記中，也是聖經中最受感動的一幕畫面吸引。之後卻被這首歌曲音樂及歌聲所攝服，細細體會這篇mv所要傳達的訊息。
在自己再次被神的訊息感動的同時，回想自己的部落格有時會分享神的話語，有時也會貼一些養眼的照片及露骨的言論，心想會不會矛盾還是假冒偽善？在仔細想想，就停止這種自我控訴及罪惡感。我覺得這是真實及誠實，沒有什麼好隱藏，也沒有什麼好誇口。

如果這是不對的、衝突的，我也願意被調整。如果這根本不是值得計較的事情，那關誰屁事！或許我只能說，我渴望男人也渴望神，希望能兩全其美，或是讓我被神滿足吧！

United Christian Church Ad. 教會的真貌？

It's the God's church that welcomes all sinners and helps us be away from sin. It's sad to say some mention about some churches, which is true, that only welcome sinless, pure, decent, weathy people. In my opinion, I don't think those are the people that God wants most. After all, people are all siners in some ways, but still also loved by God as pure and decent individauls. It's nice to see an advertisment that represent a church in Juses's teaching. In the Bible, I think only the people in churches, who will make God sad and mad, are those who make God's house/church a den of robbers. (mark 11:17) Yet starting to comdemn or judge those churches which are manipulated with political force or hypocritical discrimination, we need to again introduce God's church to the people in the world first, A church of love and grace.



最近逛到一個同樣是同志基督徒的部落格，看到一些廣告，讓我心有感觸。也感謝自己的牧者也是如此的愛護著我。我並不是在像一個充滿同志教友的同光教會，但我確信我是在一個神同在並恩典滿滿的教會。我並不想挑戰教會牧者或是任何一個人對於同志議題的信仰，但我知道一個認識神並體驗過神恩典的人，絕對不會輕視仇視同志族群，畢竟我們都嚐過神的憐憫及恩典。每個人都有每個人的難處及軟弱，沒有誰比誰優越或是不及，任何一個痛楚都是經歷成長的一個因子。神容忍用困境來為我們開刀，並會用恩典來敷藥，疼痛難免，畢竟這是成長及治癒必經的過程。最喜歡的一句應許“我的恩典夠你用”，體驗過它或許就能了解基督教信仰及神的信實。

教會中的弟兄 The man I like in church

前一陣子並不是很愛上教會，因為很不想跟人互動，不過其實一直都有注意到一個弟兄，身材不高，但是身材算壯碩，臉也是方方正正的老實臉，就是自己會喜歡的型，常常會不經意的偷看他。不過我跟他實在是沒有交集。直到這幾個禮拜...



記得有一個禮拜，自己在主日偷看完他，心裡做個小小的罪惡感懺悔禱告，心裡禱告著”主阿，原諒我在這個時候，有了一個這麼不敬虔的舉動。我真的很喜歡看到他，不過我想這是不應該的。哎呀，怎麼會自己在教會中最會讓我注意的人，還是在我性向中作出為難的對象，真是罪過。”聚會完，要離開前，這位弟兄也奇妙的匆匆的從我的身邊側身跑過，在跑過之前，為了閃避人群中，他側身並用雙手握住我的雙肩，並快速的說了『XX(我的名字)，再見』，就往前跑去。就這樣短短的兩秒，讓我驚喜了一下。原來他記得我的名字，也暗爽了一下被他碰觸的喜悅，再走去牽車的路上，我心裡暗想”上帝，你真愛開玩笑！”雖然這樣沒有任何意涵的事件，卻讓我當天開心了一陣子。當然我也知道愛弟兄的心是沒有錯的，不過我也提醒自己不要亂想並越矩。



這一週更是令我感到訝異有更多時機的接觸他，在上週六碰巧的公司跟教會都在同一間餐廳辦聚餐，自己就抓時機跑跑場，我只能說怎麼會這麼巧，他就坐在我的旁邊，因為自己要跑場，所以我跑了兩趟，這兩趟都不在同一桌，但巧的是，這兩趟我都有機會坐在他的旁邊。當然就有很多的機會跟他聊了很多下，之前知道他住在北投，但還是會趕到木柵的教會來聚會。令我更驚訝的是，整個星期天他都會呆在教會，除了一大早的主日，他為了帶領他的姊姊信靠主，也會陪著呆到傍晚的晚主日，我只能心裡佩服他，並慚愧自己還沒有這份重心放在教會中。






到了周日主日，趁著聚會還沒開始，自己就拿起樂器熱熱嘴，並練習一下很久沒練習的譜，練了一陣子，他就出現了，他也就成為當天我第一個說話的對象，他的確有股淳樸稚氣的台客口音，但是卻又可感受到他熱心謹慎的成熟。我覺得年長我5歲的他，有時候讓我覺得他可愛的好像小孩子，但卻又想像在他壯碩的雙臂圍抱的是如何？在主日結束後，自己跟了教會借了一間小教室練樂器，練了一個小時，回家前，看他坐躺在教會外的椅子上睡了起來以等待接下來的聚會，我本來想在回去前跟他說聲再見，但看著他閉著眼睛的睡姿。我就僅僅享受著看著他的幸福，自己悄悄的離開了。

無聊就看電影當宅男 Movie Buff

最近一個人生活，雖然偶爾孤單，但還是過的去。已經一個多月沒有去百事達租片子來看，對於一個愛看電影的我來說，也是個很難發生的事。不過這一個月到是把實習醫生第二季看完了，我只能說早知道就不買海外盜版的，雖然壓片及印刷包裝很好，但是它的翻譯真是濫到爆了，照它的翻譯看，大概沒有人看的懂吧。雖然大學修過口譯及翻譯課，知道的確不容易，但是這樣的翻譯品質，真是...把他當到二一重修吧。

這兩天就猛看租了四部片，恐怖片﹝鬼宅﹞及﹝撕裂人﹞，都是濫片亂演。﹝X戰警3﹞還可以接受，好在沒花錢到戲院看，劇情倒是滿出乎意料，死滿多主要角色的。

另一部愛情喜劇片倒是滿欣賞的，﹝這個男人女人要﹞，除了封面的男主角滿帥的，劇情也老套到令人感到甜蜜。原本以為男主角是跟珊卓布拉克演過捍衛戰警2的快前禿的放電男 傑森派屈克。因為之前看他在豪情四兄弟中，邃藍的眼睛實在是被他迷住了，當下覺得這個男人的眼睛真是漂亮。不過這部原來是德國片的男主角原來叫做Marco Girnth，實際上他看起來也不像原本以為是的傑森派屈克，不過劇照倒是滿像的。我只能說戲裡的他，真是可愛到不行，又聰明又體貼又性感，女人幹麻還一定還要壞男人？不過他耍起壞來，倒是真的挺帥了。

老外愛日本AＶ女優，那老外同志喜不喜歡東方同志？This Silly Foreigner really likes Eastern Girls

剛看完這篇影片，對於這位老外逗趣的模仿實在是笑歪了。不過實際想想，在我週遭來台灣的老外，的確都交東方的女朋友。不知道有沒有也特愛東方人的老外同志。實際上應該是有的，不過理論上，如果大部分的同志都有刻板印象的喜歡陽剛大屌的類型，那我想西方人還是比較吃香？不過目前還沒遇過或是正式認識是同志的老外，實在也不知道有沒有機會及喜好跟他們交往。除了這一陣子對於處男怕大屌的心理障礙外，其實我發現文化觀念上的差異大概也會是很大的問題。

提到了害怕大屌當零號的恐懼，上個禮拜還是想不開的買了一些情趣用品，包括的一個Midium Size的假陽具，我想一般東方人大SIZE的尺寸平均應該也是這樣吧，所以就沒有買西方尺寸的Large Size。今天早上還是不怕死的自我嘗試一下，一則以喜的是，我是有能耐把他塞進去的，一則以憂是，塞進去後，自己的老二就軟下來了，一點都沒有任何感到性奮的快感，所以我想我應該就放棄進修零號的課程吧。不過自己買的幾個自慰套倒是滿令人滿意的，除了感到格外的快感外，也發現每次使用的高潮也都比單純用手DIY的表現來的令自己驚訝。

Nip/Tuck Julian McMahon in Advocate Magazine 整形春秋第四季GAY爆雜誌

今天去完六福村後，晚上跑到晶晶買了一些玩意來自我鍛鍊，無意間看到九月份的Advocate的封面，是我最喜歡的影集"Nip/Tuck" 之一男主角 Julian McMahon，不過當下沒買，因為已經買了一本Playgirl及一本Good Guy，會買這些也是以前都沒有機會看過，所以買來嘗鮮，不過記取教訓，下次不要買這種情色書刊，直接上網抓來看就好了，要不然看完還不知道要塞哪裡藏？



雖然沒買那本Advocate，不過身為已經看完三季的整形春秋忠實觀眾，還是很想知道發生什麼事情，因為之前友人達客的部落格也介紹了之前引起熱潮的影片，所以上網查看了一下，有一個關於Nip/Tuck影集的論壇，我覺得大部分都是女人的討論，當然有於這一季劇情似乎比較queer，所以還是很多GBLT的族群業加入討混。雖然沒有心力把他翻譯出來，不過我相信還多人的英文都夠好，直接看吧，如果你也沒有買這本雜誌，又想知道的話，節錄一部分文字，其他的請自己下載網友提供的掃描檔吧！我只能說這些外國女人也是一樣八卦。

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ON THE WILD SIDE
Julian McMahon has no sexual hang-ups, and he’s not afraid to say so.

By John Griffiths
Excerpted from The Advocate September 26, 2006


It’s probably just a testament to his scalpel-sharp performance on TV’s naughtiest drama, Nip/Tuck, but the idea of meeting Julian McMahon on a street corner in Hollywood without a chaperone, even in broad daylight, seems a bit dicey. He’s more than convincing as Dr. Christian Troy, the caustic, womanizing man-slut half of the show—which, for the uninitiated, is a daring slice of kink about two sexy professional body carvers.

Luckily, the real McMahon is an open and playful sort. (Witness his sexy Advocate cover shoot, which was the gentleman’s own idea.) At a sushi joint near his hillside home he plops his 6-foot-2, 182-pound self down and orders a Popeye roll, named for its key ingredient, spinach. “I need to get myself some muscles,” he quips. The interviewer assures him he’s fine in that department. McMahon smiles. “That’s what I was fishing for.” Flirt.

Decked out in jeans, McMahon looks younger than he does on the tube, but he is a veteran when it comes to kinky on-screen action. Now entering its fourth season, Nip/Tuck—already brimming with LGBT story lines—is taking the sexy doc on a maybe-gay ride.

In the September 5 premiere, lonely Christian sees a therapist (Brooke Shields), who promptly tells him he’s in love with Sean (Dylan Walsh), his married business partner and best friend. Horrified, our hero hires an interior designer to revamp his Wallpaper-worthy pad and “butch it up.” Included in the makeover: a jutting bronze sculpture that, as Sean clues him in, looks like “a giant cock.”

McMahon is very much on the rise himself these days. Now that he’s notched TV stardom on his bedpost—thanks to Nip/Tuck and Charmed, a show he says he misses—his next conquest is big-screen leading man. He is about to film the sequel to last year’s comic-flick smash hit Fantastic Four, reprising his role as the nasty Dr. Doom alongside a heroic Jessica Alba and megababe Chris Evans. And in March he stars opposite Sandra Bullock in Premonition, a sort of spooky Groundhog Day. All that and Gay.com idolatry too (online fans have been known to marvel at the dimples toward the bottom of his back).

“No one is immune to his charms,” says the star’s Fantastic friend Alba, attempting to explain all the hubbub. “I think even straight men and gay women want to sleep with him.” While she offers no proof of that conviction, it’s worth noting that Rosie O’Donnell is one of many Nip/Tuck celebrity fans who have lined up to guest-star this fall.

Bullock has her own explanation for McMahon-mania: “Have you seen Nip/Tuck?” she asks, c’mon-style. “Enough said.” But wild story lines and McMahon’s dashing good looks aside, Bullock hints that camp is part of the alchemy. When both were bored during a lull on the Premonition set, she recalls, McMahon “did a wicked impression of Hitler’s hairdresser convincing Hitler to go from a handlebar mustache to the little patch he is famous for.” Bullock’s role? “I played the German hausfrau who swept up the salon.”

“I was Hitler’s image consultant,” McMahon later corrects with a sly giggle, as he downs a shrimp tempura and orders himself and his interviewer a second Coke.

But arriving at this shticking point with one of moviedom’s biggest stars hasn’t been an easy sprint for McMahon (and not just because he was nixed as the next James Bond). True, he and his two sisters were born into privilege in Sydney, but he has seen his share of sorrow and relationship woes.

His father, William, onetime prime minister of Australia, died when Julian was just 20. His 1994 marriage to pop singer and gay icon Dannii Minogue fizzled after just one year. And his 1999 marriage to actress Brooke Burns, which produced his daughter Madison, now 6, lasted only two years.

“I’m not even on the Richter scale of where I want to be,” McMahon says, adding that he relates to the journey many of his gay pals have faced: “They’ve had to travel to be where they’re at, and it’s not an easy ride.” The interviewer calls it the trooper mentality. “I find that intriguing,” he says, noting that he’s lost friends to AIDS and drugs, “and definitely, without a doubt, I feel like I’ve been on a similar journey myself.”

Like a lot of us, he has a penchant for stylish excess. McMahon lowers his white Hoven Ritz sunglasses, which reflect his latest obsession. “I buy six pairs at a time,” he says, rolling his eyes. He drives a 2007 Jaguar Super V8, favors Dolce and Gabbana suits, and gets off on the mind-blowing films of Michelangelo Antonioni. But these days the reformed—OK, “exhausted”—ladies man prefers to watch The Amazing Race with Madison. He’s even thinking of trading in his Austin Powers–worthy bachelor pad, a modern multistory palace with a gym and huge windows that frame the Hollywood sign. “I think about moving for my girl,” he says. “I wouldn’t mind a place with a little more grass.” Another revelation: “I just bought this tea set. I make my own ginger teas!”

source:
http://www.advocate.com/currentstory1_w_ektid36322.asp

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here are http://www.extraordinaryjulian.com/gallery/thumbnails.php?album=309 The_Advocate_Sept-26-2006/advstory01.jpg
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source, thanks to the ExtradinaryJulian website... http://www.extraordinaryjulian.com/gallery/thumbnails.php?album=309

Gay Likes Dicks, But this guy likes his dick getting HURT

No matter what your sexual orientation is, all men will only say "OUCH" while watching this. The cute dork apparently has a steel-like family treasure but only little brain. It's funny to watch him doing the crazy thing which no other men in the world will do the same to his precious like that. I couldn't think of any reason why makes him do this. To promote a new protecting hood? Or to prove actually he has already got his penis surgeical cut-off? By the way, I believe no men will want to see that he does these crazy acts with that pad off. Disasterous!



又是一個阿呆，但是這阿呆長的還滿可愛的！

大老二，又愛又怕 Yum but Unacceptable SIZE

I can't deny how nice it looks as big as the size; however, it's impossible to accept that kind of dick into me. Not a chance!

試了好久，終於成功的貼上porno Tube的影片
對於這個影片，我只能說只能遠看，不可褻玩焉！或是只容你手，不容你口．．．
目前對於這種尺寸，連想都不太敢想！等以後有人"調教過"在說吧 >.<



BUT, it's always exciting to see how marvelously a man can shoot during his orgasm, no matter what size his penis is.

能夠親眼看到這一幕，真的是打敗所有演PORN的男星了，不管是Peter North, Pavel Norvety...大概都要佩服他的勁道及射量吧！

第一次當O號 The Fisrt Time

第一次當零號，讓我覺得很百感交集終於一個曾經以會影響好有交情而推辭婉鉅過我的學弟，昨晚在一次彼此都同意的狀態下，進行了自己第一次的BTM性愛。

感覺好嗎？生理上，不怎樣，也很痛，因為他的老二以東方人的尺寸，算很粗的尺寸也算大。跟之前少數的經驗一樣，我還是當場沒射。這點讓我覺得自己是個很糟糕的伴侶，在性愛方面自己不但很菜，紀錄也不好，至少我覺得沒有達到彼此天人合一的完美境界。這讓我懷疑自己到底需不需要性愛，值不值得成為一個好的伴侶。

但在心理上，我覺得除了沒有達到我期待的高潮的失望外，我還是覺得很感激，心裡也沒有因為性愛而造成他之前認為會發生的友情變質。我反而覺得打散了他之前婉拒我的怨恨，也滿足了之前對於他的好奇。雖然我承認在性愛之中，我的性愛表現實在很遜，但若沒發生這次的性愛，我對於成為一個再度關心他的好友的這個角色，也越來越無力。因為我實在沒辦法嚥下被他婉拒的尷尬，情慾好奇及好勝不平影響了自己對於付出關心的動力顯得越來越不平衡。雖然在這次的性愛後，證明我實在不是個很適合他的BTM對象外﹝或許我根本就不適合當BTM﹞，我自己也打消了對他忿忿不平，我個人覺得對他的友情昇華到更親密的境界。因為我不需要在慾念他的肉體，但我知道我可以再度回到真心關心的的角色，並毫不忌諱的給他一個真心的擁抱。

這次失敗的性愛經驗，實在也讓讓我想了很多，無論在感情上還是生命成長上，除了反省自己在信仰跟情慾上的掙扎，到底是值不值得。我承認我今天在教會看到自己喜歡的弟兄，還是心裡會微微的小開心，但我也認真的問自己，這份似乎本能的好感到底值得或是可能達到真正的愛情。

在自己僅有的模糊經驗中，對於自己喜歡的人當然可以付出真心，也期待達到性愛合一的真實。但目前對於自己以前老是會幻想脫掉自己喜歡對象的褲子幫對方吸老二的衝動，感到很好笑。因為以為如果能跟對方好到這個境界，或許是更完美的；無知的認為願意跟自己發生關係的好友們，才是真心真意的愛我﹝這個愛不是指單純的情愛﹞。但這個假像現在已經被搓破，並不是發生關係一定不好，而是在發生關係之前，我早就該相信他們是關心我的。我想這解釋了我之前對於自己直男好友的偏執。

今天想了許多，本來好笑的想去買更大一點的dildo來自我鍛鍊，但礙於今天屁眼脹痛的惡果，還是打消了這個主意，心想以後真的要找伴侶，就找老二小的對象就好了。雖然自己很喜歡歐美人士的尺寸及長相，但是承認自己吃不消，太大連含都很困難。希望自己不要一朝被蛇咬、十年怕草繩的害怕性愛。其實性不就是跟肚子餓一樣，一道白液激射後，就這樣。之前把性看的太重要、太完美了，太高的期待導致目前面臨永遠達不到理想的窘態，唉