Since when, I lost all my good friends whom I used to share my deepest secrets with. In a loenly weekend, I supress my sexual attempts which may offend them, so I masterbated and tried to let go the temptation.
Who knows? Maybe that's the reason that makes me think of them. The persons who can share my intimacy and whom I dare to share with.
I tried to share my thought of that with them. I think I scared them out. They are no longer my good friends who used to be.
I felt they are just like a innocent villager who tries to escape a werewalf which may hurt them occassionally when my mood becomes nasty, and try to survive in a distractive town called friendship.
How can I blame them? I make myself a nasty evil monster. Try to make them love me no matter what, and seduce them to provide their body for my pleasure.
Is it too over to have a asking like this? Yes, it is. For we are just friends, not lovers. I think I am stupid enough to see them as my perchasing objects.
But still. They said they like me, and would treat me nice for good.
Should I take that as a promise and go on my miserable life? or laugh at it and give them away for the rest of my miserable life? I can make a choice then. However, it seems I am incapable of changing my miserable life.
I hope God, You can.